Hi Friends,
I find this topic challenging to write about even though it is a very important part of my life. It’s such a personal, individual experience. What’s the difference between spirituality and religion? An internet search led me to this:
Religion is a specific set of organized beliefs and practices, usually shared by a community or group. Spirituality is more of an individual practice and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose.
I would describe myself as a seeker. I have forever been interested in experiences that inspire faith and healing. And I admit, my spiritual quest was not really conscious. Like many of us, mine was more of a collection of defining life moments that led to questions.
Growing up I had a mixed bag of religious experiences, none of which were by choice. Born into the Catholic faith, I mostly attended Christenings and holiday mass but not much else. Around the time I was 7 my Mother converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also called Mormonism. I was loaded onto the religion train and it left the station before I even realized what it meant. When you grow up in a religious setting it can be hard to grasp, and challenging to figure out how to set oneself apart. This new church situation was all encompassing: an unending line-up of group activities, prayer circles, and straight up church time (pretty much all day on Sunday).
It felt like an exclusive club that you had to pass a shitload of tests to be accepted. When we studied the Bible, I liked the part that said we are all God’s children. I used to lob this at my Mother when she tried to convince me the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was the only true Church of God. This made no sense to me. What happened to all the other people who weren’t part of the church? When we talked about the church, I would ask “aren’t we all God’s children?” I didn’t get an answer.
Around the age of 13, as I was about to enter the 8th grade, my attitude changed. I no longer wanted to go to church or hang out with church friends. I wanted to be cool and hang with my school friends. And so began the troubles. My Mother did not present options. As long as we lived “under her roof” we had to participate all Church functions and activities, and there were a lot! So, I created a double life where I balanced my time between “church life”, and what I called “normal life.” I lied to my Mother as I finagled ways to ditch church obligations in favor of action-filled adventures with my freedom loving friends. Like cutting seminary (an off campus non-mandatory class located at the church down the street from my high school) to cut across the dirt lot in the back and get donuts.
My rebellion was not going well with my Mother and her gale force will. It was her way or the highway, and when I was 16 years old, I took the highway. While that’s a longer story for a future post, the summary is I had a party now, pay later philosophy, which included having fun, taking risks, and ignoring warnings.
Cut to years later, I was struggling and didn’t know how to deal with anxiety. Therapy helped, but it wasn’t enough. Ultimately a lack of answers drove me to find my own. One thing I did know for sure was that it would not be a religious structure. I always had a strong feeling that there was something bigger than our human experience. Within this vast and mysterious Universe I felt there was so much more to know and learn. I became interested in the occult, although I dislike that term. I don’t remember seeking out psychics and healers, but they always seem to find me! I loved the experience (and still do) of speaking with people that had a connection to the other side or a different energy field. I wasn’t afraid of what they wanted to tell me. I also got a little carried away with it and believed everything they told me. I would spiral when their assessments and predictions didn’t materialize or even come close.
Ultimately I found books to be a great education. I read everything from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying to The Secret. I dove straight in and absorbed all manner of healing and spiritual texts. As I matured it started to click that I could create my own belief system, one that made sense to me. I didn’t need to follow anything except my own heart.
Here are some books in no particular order that led me to my own belief system:
Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss, M.D.
Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch
Shadows on the Path by Abdi Assad
The Untethered Soul by Michael Alan Singer
The Art of Happiness by the HH Dalai Lama
Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, PH.D
I would love to hear if there are any books that resonated with you. I’m always happy to add to my library!
Moving forward I’ll be including more sources from my “spirit center” database (does anyone remember the rolodex?) on literature, healers, astrologers, as well as self development practices that work for me.
For now, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Conversations with God, Book 1:
“Inquire within, rather than without, asking: "What part of my Self do I wish to experience now? What aspects of being do I choose to call forth?"For all of life exists as a tool of your own creation, and all of its events merely present themselves as opportunities for you to decide, and be, Who You Are.”
Love,
Nancy jo
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Persig. You have inspired me to read it again.
So well said Nancy jo!