Hi friends,
I just turned 58 on August 28th and physically it doesn’t feel any different than 57, but emotionally and spiritually it feels remarkably different. It’s boundary enacting for sure but it’s also a deep dive into making sense of the changes I’ve made in the last 2 years. My friend Dawn and I were talking recently about all of my moves and she said you have an “uprooted identity”. That really stuck with me so I wrote it in my notes. I have been uprooted countless times in my life so it doesn’t feel unnatural for me. My DNA knows how to do this. There have been many ups and downs and moments of paralyzing fear but I’ve managed to find faith in every situation. I have to remind myself NOT to get in my own way. I often struggle with feeling like I’m not on the right path. I get a case of the “should’s”. I should be more productive, I should have said this, I should be farther along in my next chapter… and I assure you, this path is stress producing and useless for the faithful. Which brings me to this next topic👇🏽
Routines:
Do you ever wake up in the morning and lie in bed for a while and review your plans for a self practice? Self practice meaning exercise, meditation, walking, whatever healthy routine you would like to create for yourself. So here you are, cozy in your bed reviewing options then deciding to ditch a healthy plan and do your coffee ritual instead which is so deeply satisfying to the senses - aroma, that first sip, aaaah and literally all your health plans evaporate in an instant. This is me most mornings. I love a healthy practice but I have to REALLY try hard to make a different choice. I bring this up because I have to ask the question: Why can’t we stick to healthy practices especially when they make us feel so good? Why don’t we want to keep feeling good? Yes, I know there are many who make the feel good choice, but there’s plenty who don’t - I’m addressing the latter. I notice that when I stick to a healthy routine I feel great and then something weird happens. My inner voice sounds something like this: wow, good for you, you’re really doing this and you look and feel great! You deserve a reward for your hard work! Why not take a morning off and drink coffee and lay around? That “reward” turns into a routine of ignoring health and going for coffee instead. Feel this? If you’re a coffee drinker, you do.
Question for the group: Coffee, then healthy routine? Healthy routine, then coffee? I'm thinking about replacing coffee with ceremonial cacao from this site . My cousin Lyndsay (@theveganpotter) wrote a great piece on her experience with cacao and includes recipes. I just ordered a 1/2 lb bag to start and will share my findings.
New pathways:
I started meditating again. I wake up between 5-5:30 AM now (don’t ask, I gave up trying to figure it out) and head straight to my office/work out /meditation room and sit on the poof for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I listen to the Brainwave App (binaural beats and isochronic tones combined with relaxing ambient music and soothing nature sounds) or listen to meditation music on Spotify. Or sometimes nothing. It feels good but I’m curious about a meditation center up the street and want to get back into group meditation. I haven’t done that in ages. It feels good to be in a room with others clearing our minds collectively. I’ll report back.
My friend Claire invited me to a tai chi class this week in Cranston Rhode Island. The first class is free so I thought what the hell. Any chance to calm my nervous system is welcome! Claire described the class members as “real strip mall elders”. Cranston is strip mall central. Our class was off the main drag that runs straight through town with a plethora of strip mall options on your left and right. We arrived at the tail end of a kids karate class. The kids were hilarious flailing around on the busy purple and rust leaf patterned carpet. The lobby was tight so we decided to sit outside and wait for the class to end. I didn’t know we were supposed to bring socks so Claire fished out a couple of work out mismatches from her car. An elderly couple approached - she in a black pilled stretch ensemble and white socks and sandals, he wearing 1970’s gold wire rim glasses and an oversized Hawaiian shirt and shorts. The woman recognized Claire from the previous weeks class and announced “I’m Sandy I’m bad with names, I used to be great with names because I was in retail for years and you have to remember peoples names!” I’m guessing Sandy was in her 70’s with an impressive long mane of white hair and bangs so thick they looked like a scrub brush. She was a real chatty Cathy and continued to ramble on to no one in particular. Soon 3 men joined the group - a large bald African American man around 40, a small Asian man called “Dot”, and a thin white haired gentleman wearing blue scrubs. I began to wonder if I stumbled into a Christopher Guest casting. All had been to the previous weeks class where apparently the assignment had been to “smile”. I appreciated the context because I was starting to get Moonie vibes. The kids class ended and our teacher welcomed us into the main room. “Master Leon” is a middle-aged Asian woman with a black shoulder length bob and bangs (is there a theme here?). She wore those oval shaped glasses and had a thick Rhode Island accent. She was very kind and welcoming but I could tell she was used to teaching kids because of how she spoke to us. “Didja all remembah your homework assignment? Didja all remembah to smile?” Romper Room: Rhode Island edition. Since this was my first class I usually like to stay in the back but there was huge brown stain on the carpet so I ended up in the second row in front of a wall of mirrors. I made a mental note not to make eye contact with Claire because I knew I would start laughing. I felt like I was back in church making fun of congregation members with my sister. We began with the basics - "Air Balls": Basic forearm rotations, ”Push and Pull": rotation of the arms in front of the body. There was a lot of lunging, heel toe action, and weight distribution. It felt really good and very calming as you breath through the poses. They were easy to follow and the repetition sealed the move. Sandy piped up a few times to announce her lack of coordination. Master Leon kept us moving through the poses and then for some reason she thought she’d take a break and give a little talk. If I could remember what she said I would surely write it here, but she just meandered. This is a pet peeve of mine. Have you ever been in a yoga class where the instructor starts to overshare their personal journey? How about no! I want to move and learn, not listen to someone overshare thoughts, hopes, and dreams. I know Master Leon meant well, but I didn’t want even 15 minutes sidelined by a sermon. Meanwhile Dot and the blue scrubs guy were clearly more advanced and were doing their own Karate Kid moves independently off to the side. All-in-all it was a good intro experience but I am going to look for a Qi gong class next. Googled it: “Qi gong can be thought of as a movement you do for a certain situation, as opposed to tai chi form, which is a series of movements that work on the entire body in a flowing sequence,”
I can’t close my newsletter without a couple of tips:
Nose in: I am currently reading The Lying Lives of Adults by Elena Ferrante. For some reason I never could get into the Neapolitan series “My Brilliant Friend” but I absolutely loved The Days of Abandonment and now loving my current read. I especially enjoy the idiosyncratic characters as well as the Italian setting. Check it out.
What’s in my tool kit:
I saw the “fluicer" in a Food52 ad and was immediately intrigued. I’m still in shock at how good this juicer, I mean “fluicer” is! I assume “fluicer” means flat juicer (I love word play!). I’ve long suspected that the conventional hand juicer doesn’t get all the juice out. This one does by a mile! It’s lightweight and more compact than my former juicer and gets ALL the juice out! Never going back.
I hope some of the above resonates with you. Thanks for reading!
Love,
Nancy Jo
Thanks you, sissy x
You really should be in a Christopher Guest movie.