In the margins

Thoughts, lessons, and scraps worth sharing — after a year away.

Hi friends,

It’s been a long pause. Notice how I chose the word pause? That was intentional. I didn’t quit, I paused. And I don’t have an excuse, nor would I want to manufacture one. I just didn’t feel like I had anything to share. I spent the past year making, unmaking, and making again. Review, revise, re-think. I recommend the exercise! It was a challenge to do it without self judgement.

I read this quote and it really helped me to calm the hell down.

“I hope you’ve learned that growth isn’t loud; it’s in the quiet, steady rhythm of showing up again and again until the impossible becomes second nature” - Dipendra Tamang

That’s been my aim in the last year and it’s working. As I wrote in my last post 100 years ago, I have been trying to stay in a flow state. A state of allowing things to come into my life as opposed to doing (or over-doing). I’m preparing the environment and vibration for positive change. Some days it’s a breeze, other days it straight up sucks, but I’m understanding the balance.

I thought it would be easy as I have so many interests and abilities, but that actually created more of a muddle. Dwelling in mud requires patience which I have in short supply. I was just explaining to a friend last night that once I find my direction there’s literally no stopping me.

So, here’s what I distilled: It all comes down to faith… in the process, in myself and my abilities, and my faith in humanity (which we need on steroids right now)! When I combine faith with optimism I can feel myself being pulled up and away from dense emotions and stagnation.

Another meaningful quote that packs a punch! “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. Albert Einstein

It’s hard to stay present. Living in the moment sounds so easy, but I can see where my mind goes in different directions. My friend Taya, a gifted reiki healer, gave me an assignment: be present in all the things I do; especially small tasks. For instance, when i’m washing dishes, focus on the dish and the soap and the action. It’s just you and the dish doing your thing. It’s a great exercise and brings my floating mind back to reality. My thinking is on the washing up, not speeding into the future after the dishes are done. I’m trying to maintain this state every day and it really helps in our current situation where the world feels like it’s spinning out of control (because it is)! The feeling of losing control is frightening for all of us, so I try to do lots of small things like an offering to help someone in any given situation, a smile, a simple hello, have a nice day. I have felt its impact. It makes me feel lighter and less anxious.

And another good one joining the quote fest: “Die before die” Rumi. I can relate. Letting go of the old me is kind of hard because I like a lot of the old me and I’m not sure who the new me is. I think I feel comfortable with both but I’m still figuring out the ratio.

When I worked at Esquire one of my favorite columns to assign was called “What I’ve Learned”. I loved the wisdom nuggets and antidotes from a true cross section of interesting people.

I thought I’d try it myself, especially this year as I am turning 60! What?

Talk less. Listen More. Its still at the top of the list for a reason and I work on it every day (I’m a talker so it takes willpower!). Assignment: Observe a moment, any moment you’re in with someone and watch and listen before you contribute to the conversation (most challenging for us Italians!)

No prescriptive advice unless asked. This is a good one that I ignore regularly because it is my nature to give advice. The key is to wait until asked!

Not every issue needs to be workshopped. I love to workshop - talk it to death, re-hash until my ears bleed, yeah that kind of stuff. Again, the key is to know what is worth the effort and what to work out on your own.

Meditation, yoga and a healthy diet = whole healing. No need to convince anyone because it works.

You can’t change anyone. I know some of these are obvious but I think important to reiterate. This one especially, NO ONE is going to change until they are good and ready.

Be nice every chance you get. This should be an easy one. I practice this by saying good morning if I’m out walking or at the grocery store, or anywhere when I’m out and about. I feel like no one talks to each other anymore.

Help people in need. Volunteer. My closest friend and adviser encouraged me to volunteer and I listened. I volunteer at Beautiful Day here in Providence. Of course it’s food centered and their mission is connecting refugees and the community through business, job training, and education. I work with a group of Afghan women photographing them cooking as well as capturing their homemade crafts. They are a regionally diverse group of all ages. From their traditional dishes to handmade crafts they show their own creative personal style. I hope to do more with this group. It feels good to contribute while using my skills.

Learn to say NO and mean it. Make boundaries your mantra in 2025. I can’t count the times I gave an automatic yes to things I had no interest in doing!

Practice patience and gratitude. Just a quick “hey universe, thank you for your help and guidance. Please keep pointing me in the right direction”.

Find your flow. This requires complete trust. It’s a state of knowing and it’s personal. I’m right where I’m supposed to be even though I feel like crap sometimes. When I stray from this principle I’m miserable (and I likely make everyone around me miserable as well).

Sit with uncomfortable feelings. Sadness, anger, depression, and fear. We all want to avoid these emotions? When challenged I push myself to to sit with it (totally uncomfortable) and I’m always amazed how quickly it shifts when I do.

Don’t replay conversations in my head. I realize how much BS I add to my narrative when I overthink. Trust me, NO one is thinking obsessively about that conversation except you. I can guarantee the other person hasn’t given it a second thought. They are too in their own world to care all that much about yours.

HZ healing frequencies work! HZ is the standard unit of measurement for frequency. Spotify has a loads of playlists tailored to any emotional state. Also, Binaural beats which I wrote about in a previous post. I usually play on a headset in the morning to ease into my day. Great for anxiety as well.

Food is medicine. If there’s one thing I know with 100% certainty, it’s that food heals and course-corrects. When I’m run-down or stressed, the first thing I do is head to the grocery store or green market, fill my cart with fresh vegetables, seasonal fruits, clean proteins, and healthy fats — and start cooking.

So, yeah this is what I’ve been working on. Heavy alert? No, not heavy, more like me becoming aware of how I treat myself because I’m pretty hard on myself. Its a very human condition that most of us aren’t even aware of consciously. It’s so easy to make disparaging comments about yourself all under the guise of a joke or to deflect. In the process of digging into that, I’ve discovered that it really does cause harm. It keeps me down and keeps me stuck in idiotic thought loops. I’m re-training myself to take a pause and consider a more supportive response. “The words you tell yourself become the house you live in”. Hafiz

So that’s what I’ve been up to! Field notes below.

Thank you for reading!

Love,

Nancy Jo

Titanium cutting board: I don’t know about you but if I see another cutting board warning my head is going to explode!! Bacteria! Microplastics! Mold! The fear mongering led me to alternatives and I gave the titanium board a test run. Yes it scratches, yes it feels slippery, and the knife sound on the surface sounds a bit weird, but I will say my knives don’t seem to get dull and the clean up is a breeze. The biggest bonus of all is the anti-bacterial boast. I cut all of my meat on this board, so it does have a specific purpose. Because it’s so thin and light It’s and a good addition to my wood and silicone boards. I’m not including a link here because there are many outlets to choose from if you decide to purchase.

Untein toothpaste for gums!

My nephew and his girlfriend turned me on to the gum healing wonder. I’m on my 3rd tube and my gums feel and look great. I’m going to the dentist in a month so we’ll see what he says! https://uniteintoothpaste.com/product/unitein-gum-restore-toothpaste/

Recipe on repeat!

Roasted tomato and butter sauce (single serving)

4 oz cappellini

1 lb small vine ripened tomatoes

2 to 3 sprigs fresh thyme (or any other fresh herb you like - rosemary is great in this)

Olive oil

1 tablespoon butter

S & P to taste

Set oven temp to 300°

Line a sheet pan with parchment paper.

Cut the tomatoes in half and set out on the sheet pan.

Drizzle with olive oil.

Sprinkle with fresh thyme leaves and salt and pepper to taste.

Roast for an hour or longer depending on your tomato size and oven temp. I like mine a little plump with collapsed edges - see photo.

Remove from the oven and let them come to room temperature.

Add dry capellini to boiling salted water. Cook to package instructions. About half way through cooking, scoop out a 1/4 cup of pasta water and add it to a jar (for hand blending) or a regular blender, add about 1/2 cup of the roasted tomatoes (you can play around with amounts here - very forgiving) and process until smooth.

When the pasta is done, drain and add back to pot and add the butter. Once the butter is incorporated add the sauce and toss until well coated. Serve with your cheese of choice, fresh basil leaves, and freshly ground pepper. It is so delicious you’re gonna flip!

*Note about tomatoes: there are loads of small tomato varieties so go with what you like. I prefer the size up from cherry, they are meatier and sweeter. I also use these sweet little rounds on sandwiches, eggs, salads, etc