Aging with wisdom

Contemplations, conversations, and mechanical cats

📸 Roberta McLaughlin

Hi friends,

“It may be that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.”

- Wendell Berry 

👆🏽 This quote resonates with me 100% as I am in the process of putting my personal operating manual together.  I have quite a few talents if I’m honest (gee, that sounds like confidence!) but I struggle with what to focus on.  Focus, meaning how to make a living from doing what I love. I’m pulling things apart and doing an internal edit and naming outmoded habits/behaviors/attitudes that need to go. 

My early life was spent in survival mode versus supportive/focused/goal driven mode.  Not that I knew the difference back then because I had no idea.  I just adapted and kept moving forward.  I didn’t really have a choice.  My mother didn’t understand reflection.  How could she possibly understand when she herself was always trying to survive as a single mother with no financial support and a zeal for Mormonism and their inclusive group dynamics.  I cringe when I think of her embarrassing behavior while she was working a deal or trying to get something for little to no money. I would automatically drift off into a fantasy world where I was in a secure and loving home with all that I needed without ever having to ask or work for it.  Visions of a stocked fridge, cool clothes, and not having to fold and stuff Penny Savers into bags to hang on all the neighbors doorknobs at 13 years old!  I despised that job.  I was so mad and resentful at all the jobs she made me do.  She even went so far to ask a friend who worked as a manager at the local Orange Julius to agree that I was 16 instead of 15 so I could get the job.  I don’t even know how she did it, but next thing I know I’m fitted into a snug polyester tunic/flare pant combo along with a matching newsboy cap showcasing a stunning color range of orange, yellow, and brown. I slung burgers, melted copious amounts of cheese on chili dogs and burgers, and blended a sugary powder with orange juice and ice to create the famous frothy Orange Julius.  I smelled like oil and my face was a legion of zits.  That experience was straight off the wisdom wagon - one of those turn a bad situation into a good one where you learn that you have a strong work ethic. Believe me, I was not thinking about work ethic at that age. I was thinking about all of my friends that didn’t have to work. As an adult I look at that experience and have enough distance from it to realize it shaped me in a positive way. We aren’t meant to see the silver lining when you’re in the process of learning the hard stuff. 

I never thought about a career trajectory. I just knew I had to work to live. I relied a lot on friend-of-a-friend connections. Personal connections have always been critical to how I operate in the world. I’m curious about people and feel an ease connecting through humor and shared observations. Adaptability to situations and personalities is my super power. I use my instincts and physical feelings to observe and understand relationship dynamics. This gift is a direct result of being thrown into situations I had no control over like my riveting job at Orange Julius.  I had to interact with the public and provide a service. I was out of my depth and vulnerable as a 15 years old encased in polyester and operating in a haze of grease, but I adapted and learned and gained confidence.

What I discover as I gain in wisdom (with age comes wisdom, right?) is that I have some pretty impressive tools in my survival kit. I can thank my mother for that.  She made fight or flight a household name. As an adult I’ve had to figure out how to change that response and as it turns out, it’s not that easy.

Aging.  It’s a topic I don’t usually spend a lot of time on because I feel young in mind, body, and spirit.  My sister and I were spending time recently with my Aunt and Uncle who are in their late 80’s. My Aunt is doing okay and is pretty lucid. She needs a walker to get around but gets annoyed when you try to get her to use it.  “I got it I got it!”.  We converse easily but sometimes she’ll slip into fantasy, like when she talks about her “cats”. She and my Uncle can’t have real pets where they live so her daughter bought her a mechanical life-sized replica of her beloved Maine Coon, Brandy. Flip a switch and this mechanical tabby comes to life and there’s a meow playlist.  All kinds of cat sounds that sound real in a small pre-recorded box kind of way.  To my Aunt, they ARE REAL and that’s all that matters. I actually think it’s a brilliant idea.  It’s a zero maintenance pet - unless you consider battery replacement maintenance - that brings joy. It’s wonderful to see her light up when she talks about them. By them, I mean the broken Brandy that is now mute, and the new Brandy that works just fine.  Together they sleep and sit with her when she watches her shows.  This was my first encounter with her furry mechanical friend. I had no prior knowledge of  the “cat” situation so when she started to talk about Brandy I thought she was having a flash back, but then she turned in her chair and picked it up to show me. It looked like Brandy in color only. It was essentially a stiff well worn stuffed animal. Plastic green eyes and a pink nose buried in matted nylon fur. She flipped the switch and the head tilted slightly and a strangled meow came out. Oh! I exclaimed. Eyes wide, I looked to Roberta whose eyes were also wide (our family uses a series of looks to communicate. We always know what the others are thinking and feeling by a look.  And there are many. It’s subtle but it’s a language we all understand.) This look said, I didn’t tell you about the cat! So I pretended the cat was alive and we chatted on about her antics and how she lets my Aunt know when she’s hungry or when she doesn’t like being ignored and wants attention. It was really nice and it made her happy which made me happy. When I converse with elderly people I keep the conversation light and positive and it suddenly dawned on me that this is how people communicate now post covid. We now seem to have light abbreviated conversations.  I know that sounds pretty broad but it’s apt in many cases in my experience. I’m a talker and I love conversations and I can’t really put my finger on it but it feels off. It’s like there is a finite amount of talk allowed to any one conversation and when that time is up I notice a drift in focus.  Maybe we all retreated into our hidey holes and had more inner dialogue than outer. Full disclosure: I thought I was just fine during covid lockdown. I was fully adapting and rolling with it or so I thought. The fallout and depression came later and it caught me off guard.  I’ve spent the last year taking a mental inventory and paying attention to my feelings, but also checking out.  

As 2023 nears its end I’m making notes about what I’ve learned and what I am incorporating into my above mentioned operating manual.  I want to stop beating myself up for not being MORE productive (key lesson here).  My friend recently shared this quote with me - “to step into your power you cannot attach your worth to your level of productivity”. I’m not certain of the origin but it sure does resonate. 

The leaves are starting to turn here in Providence. Fall is always a good time for me to tuck in and review and get my home health kit ready. I bought a crockpot and started making 24 hours bone broth and my freezer is full! I’ve also added the following items to my cart. I have never had a flu shot and I can thank these friends for helping me ward off illness year after year.

I think there should be a phlegm awareness month and in that case this is my go-to bronchial syrup. 

Colloidal Silver is my jam as I have preached many times before.  Both the drops and the sinus spray are essential to my seasonal kit (also in my travel kit). And lest any of my readers think you will turn blue for using colloidal please disabuse yourself of that notion. If you follow the package dose instructions you’ll be just fine.

I’ve written about this small but mighty inhaler in a previous post and it’s worth repeating here because it works! It can clear any congestion in seconds and is small enough to fit in your pocket. If you really want to open up your sinus add this to your cart as well. Olbas Therapeutic Herbal Bath is a dream!

Thanks for reading ❤️

Love,

Nancy Jo